Even the busiest mommy has two minutes for herself!
I believe life is what you make of it. It's the values you believe in and how your words/actions are processed by others. I have been very blessed (in good times and bad) to have a very strong support system of family and friends, for whom I am eternally grateful. This is the story of my "marathon" in life, which has had many "sprints" (some quite funny) and I'm finally ready to share my life's journey with others.
Lately I’ve been hearing the under-the-breath grumblings from Americans who are curious to know where they can read legitimate news stories. Oh what, your Facebook news feed isn’t cutting it anymore? Seriously, according to my students this quarter social media is where they get most of their daily news. Apparently it’s true for most Americans. During the 2016 presidential election many voters chose their candidate based on what they read on Facebook. In a September 2016 article from The Washington Post,How Facebook could swing the election – and who will benefit “Facebook can influence millions of votes by the literal press of a button,” said Michael Brand, a professor of data science at Monash University in Australia.
What is really interesting to me about this topic now in 2017 is that if everyone actually cared about the news they were reading 6-12 months ago, we wouldn’t be having this uneasy feeling to start fact checking everything we read now, including from our most reliable news sources. I know I don’t like walking around not knowing what just happened in Washington D.C. to the country I love and not knowing what’s the next big news story just around the corner.
In an effort to educate myself and our household, my husband and I agreed we needed to invest in more trustworthy news sources to help educate ourselves with factual news. We agreed thatThe Washington PostandThe New York Timesseem to have the most credible stories with multiple sources beingcited in their stories on a regular basis. I did some research and found that I was able to get a FREE subscription to The Washington Post and a discount subscription to The New York Times because I am an educator. I applaud these news sources for allowing educators and othersto obtain their news with suchaccess.
I feel our current President has put us on a news roller coaster since his inauguration, which is extremely exhausting to follow at times. While I may not agree with the policies the President has put into place, I feel it is my duty as a tax paying, voting American citizen to educate myself on what is happening to MY country. I vowed a long time ago to take social responsibility online and to not share any news stories on social media that are nonfactual and not vetted by a credible news source. I would like to challenge all social media moguls (i.e. Mark Zuckerberg) to make it part of your user online rights and responsibilities to have all your users check off on a “online social responsibility policy”. There are policies in place that you cannot use online images without the permission of the creator of the image, (and yes thank you to everyone who keeps cutting and pasting the same “rumor” FB policy from 2009), I believe that everyone who wants to help make a more educated and informed society to take the same online social responsibility pledge with me. I ask everyone to have more accountability online when posting new stories and to not repost anything from a non-credible source.
But realistically money drives our world. What amount of advertising dollars would Facebook and other social media sites loose if their fake news sources couldn’t post on their website anymore? What would society be if online trolls who like to stir the pot with fearful posts about what is not actually happening in our country or worldwide do with all their free time? Wasn’t the internet created for us to share more information at our fingertips and to keep people in touch, but has since torn friendships and families apart? Take responsibility for your posts, delete them if you think they are untrue, follow up with educated responses when you find someone who is not like-minded as you, and learn to listen more than you speak (or post).
I am usually pretty meh about slow cooker chicken breasts. The problem is most days I over cook them because something comes up and I leave them in the slow cooker an hour or three too long. They are a bit dry and chewy. But, chicken breasts were on sale and I had them thawed so I decided on Teriyaki chicken.
I did my research this time before making this dish. On low chunked chicken breasts should cook in about 6 hours. I couldn’t leave it in the slow cooker all day so it took a bit of planning on my part. I knew I wanted to have dinner about 7 pm so I needed to have it in the slow cooker about 1 pm. Yes, we eat late because all the classes and practices after school.
My family thought this was the best slow cooker chicken I have…
How does 40 weeks waiting for a baby to arrive take an eternity but 12 weeks (sleep-deprived) while caring for a newborn go by so quickly? Ah, America! While I appreciate the 12 weeks that I am “allowed” to take off work from my employer to care for my newborn child, who just started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks, the thought of going back to the daily grind of work is met with mixed emotions.
For us, a lot has happened between Halloween – MLK day. Here are some highlights: My parents sold our childhood home, moved to a new 55+ condo community and both retired! Our second son was born and baptized and has brought great joy to everyone in our family. We also bought a new car, well actually a new minivan which I am thrilled about! My husband and I both celebrated our birthdays and we had tons of Christmas / winter holiday fun.
Grandma & Marty
Papa, Jimmy & Bailey
Mommy & Jimmy on Tilt-a-Whirl
Daddy & Jimmy during the 1st snow fall
I had this grand plan in my head that because it was my second child I was so ready to really be productive on maternity leave. You know, unpack boxes from when we moved over the summer, organize my file cabinets, update baby #1’s baby book before baby #2 arrives… ha, yeah right. Clearly I forgot that I also have a toddler who is my shadow, always wanting to know and see EVERYTHING his Momma is doing while also caring for a newborn. As you can imagine, I learned and appreciated quite a lot while on my 2nd (and final) maternity leave. Here are the highlights:
Colicky Babies DO Exist!
I actually thought this was just something people said when they had a fussy baby. BOY WAS I WRONG! About 3 weeks after our son’s birth he was crying all the time and nothing would console him. I tried everything to calm him down. While working on my “I don’t want to compare my two boys” language in my head I really couldn’t have had two more opposite newborns, despite the fact that they look identical.
After two weeks of trying to change formulas and adjusting my techniques on how to comfort our son, I finally went in to see the doctor. My exact words to the doctor were, “I don’t want to be one of those parents who says my child won’t stop crying…but my child won’t stop crying”. He informed me that he’s probably a little colicky, potentially having a bout of acid reflux and gave us a few tricks to try, but ultimately he said that “this too shall pass.” Those words were like throwing gasoline on the fire to sleep deprived parents. Looking back, I’m so glad we went to the doctor. Lesson learned: having some piece of mind when parenting is key, even if you don’t have all the answers. It gave my husband and I some piece of mind to know that yes, you have a screaming baby, but you are doing everything you can – and that’s the best you can do. And yes, the doctor was correct – about two weeks after our visit our son turned a corner, the screaming stopped and he has been a very good baby since.
Sometimes you’re in survival mode, and that’s okay.
I know there were days when my parenting dos and don’ts were totally mixed up. If our toddler wanted to play games for a while on his tablet so I could sit down and have lunch – sure! Actually questioning when was the last time I had a shower or “did I really just have my 5th cup of coffee today?” – common place when you’re in survival mode! Yes, I realize that you need to take care of yourself in order to be a good parent for your child, but sometimes just getting to nap time with the kids or reaching the end of the day without a blowout diaper was the greatest accomplishment. Lesson learned:everything in moderation is key to keeping balance in our household. A little time on the tablet when requested was just enough to keep a little toddler happy (and Mommy could enjoy her one a day cup of coffee in peace).
Appreciate the little things in life – like wine and dates
There were a few days when I would tell my husband I just needed to get out of the house for a bit. As this maternity leave was in the winter months, cabin fever was raging in our home for everyone. Taking time to leave the house to shop at Target alone or to get a mani/pedi were far and few between but extremely appreciated when I did them. I felt like ME again. I am used to leaving the house at 7am for work and not arriving home until close to 5pm. Those hours on my commute to and from work and my lunch break were always ME hours. Having that little ME time when I was able to was and is still clearly something I need to keep my sanity. Date nights were few and far between but we were able to sneak away from the boys to see Rogue One and have dinner at Lawry’s The Prime Rib, Chicago. Lesson learned: Needing to take time away from being parents while still taking care of yourself and your spouse will refresh everything.
A strong circle of other parents is key.
When I was pregnant with my first child and I was trying to put together my baby shower registry, I had posted on Facebook asking what essentials do you need / not need for a new baby? Once I read all the responses from my post I was totally overwhelmed. I learned that if I have a question related to a hot button issue of parenting, a text, call or email might be a better form of communication. Thankfully my husband and I have a good circle of parent friends who are able to share parenting successes and failures about our kids without judgement. Viewing other people’s posts on group discussion boards or on your own Facebook feed regarding their children can be daunting and really not give you the outcome you desired. Lesson learned: Trust your instinct regarding your kids. Every time I have done this my gut has not steered me wrong, including the time when I thought my toddler was having explosive diarrhea from teething with his two-year molars which was the case (and is totally a post for another day).
Kindness of strangers should never be dismissed.
After our youngest son was born (and he gave us a little scare in the NICU) I returned back to my church to become a regular attendee in mass. My lack of attending mass had nothing to do with losing my faith in God or anything, I would like to have categorized myself as a lazy catholic. It seemed like such a chore to attend weekly mass when I could just pray daily at home. After much self-reflection, I decided I needed to go back to the roots that my parents instilled in me and start attending mass on a weekly basis. During our family’s first trip back to mass, I had the good fortune to be greeted after mass by a woman from the parish named Meg who was the group leader for a tiny tot program hosted by the parish on Friday mornings. Meg invited us to participate in the program and our toddler has loved every second of being a part of the class. I call Meg our little angel who in her own sweet way guided our family back to church. I could have just dismissed her kind offer of inviting us to the class, but I’m glad I didn’t. Thank you, Meg, I am forever grateful for your kindness and I hope to pay it forward one day. Lesson learned: reflect upon who you were, where you’ve come from and what you’ve become in order to shape your future self.
During this maternity leave, I’ve learned to appreciate all the little things that life has to offer. The boxes in the basement are still not unpacked, the file cabinet is still a mess, and yes the boys baby books are still unfinished. And it’s okay! Someone once told me that the days are long but the years are short – and that totally rings true for us. As a Mom, I’m lucky that each day is a blessing, a challenge and a new learning opportunity. My thought for today – smile through the spit-ups that just landed on your new dress before work, as they are only little for so long. 🙂
I tend not to share on social media my personal politic views, as I don’t want to start an argumentative conversation behind a keyboard. But while posting a video of today’s live feed from CNN showing how many people showed up in Chicago for today’s rally and march, I had a FB friend who seemed to think that today’s march was a bunch of “cry babies” and that today’s will “accomplish nothing” and to “get over it”. Being an educator by nature I feel like I need to explain what today’s movement really means to thousands of Americans. Hence why I am hitting the keyboard (extremely aggressively) to have my voice be heard. Note this is NOT to open the door to an argumentative conversation but an op-ed piece to share my point of view.
First of all, I want to thank all the #nastywomen and #WomensMarch brigade who hit the pavement this weekend. I loved your signs, your pictures and videos you shared online. Thousands of men, women, children, marched to show the solidarity of one thing – THEY WANT TO BE HEARD. Similar to how many of American had Exercised their first amendment right to assemble for years, so have they.
Right To Assemble
The right to assemble is intricately related to the formation and growth of the philanthropic sector because it answers the need to come together, share common beliefs, and act upon those beliefs (concepts that have been so essential to this sector’s creation). Groups form for many purposes, from reform movements (the Civil War, women’s suffrage, the struggle for civil rights) to charitable organizations that meet specific needs (e.g., the American Red Cross) to churches, mosques and synagogues
What is bothering me today is the lack of education and pure ignorance on the part of many American who don’t quite understand what The National Women’s March is and what it stands for. So let me share my perspective on what today’s movement means to me.
I am writing to frame today’s march as a movement. I would hate to see the days spent by thousands across the country in preparation for today is only seen as a march. I view today’s movement as an awaking to an ideology of a paradigm shift towards understanding the concerns of all Americans, especially the concerns facing all women living in this country. I am a daughter, wife, mother, aunt, educator, and friend who I would like to do my part in helping create a momentum in sharing this movement beyond this weekend.
20 years ago when I graduated high school I viewed the world very differently. My goal in life at 18 was to go to college, get a degree, getting married and have kids. Through expanding my horizons in college and the years beyond, I was given the ability to see the world through a different lens. Through the past 20 years, I have faced injustices in the workplace, unfair pay because of my gender, reproductive challenges, observed friends who have been denied access to affordable health care due to a predetermined medical condition, and the list goes on and on. While everyone faces different adversities in their lifetime, being ignorant to the challenges of those around you is unacceptable, especially if you have been awarded the presidency of the United State and you represent a country which s made up of people who are facing such adversities.
As I sit here my kitchen of my home, a well-educated mother of two healthy boys, while my loving and supportive husband is at the grocery store it occurs to me there are no traditional gender roles in our home. Daily we share the duties on who cooks the meals for the day, who takes care of the kids, does the laundry and grocery shopping. We are a united team in our household and I wish this model could be shared across the country in every home and workplace.
So what can you do to make your mark on the movement? Volunteer in your community. Share your talents with the less fortunate not just your opinions. Make known your voice not just in words but in actions too. Get informed on local and national politics through credible news sources and practice social responsibility in person and on social media. For more ideas and information on this movement, please visit their website at https://www.womensmarch.com/.
While I’ve been a little MIA the past few weeks, it’s all for a good reason. On October 26th, my husband, our son (and new big brother) Jimmy and I welcomed a new little member to our family, Martin “Marty” John Reaney at Prentice Women’s Hospital at Northwestern Medicine. Marty was so excited to meet his new family that he came into this world super fast arriving at 7:07am weighing in a 7 lb, 14 oz and 21 inches long.
As many of you are aware, I take daily blood thinners to prevent any blood clots and because of this I was induced for Marty’s arrival. We arrived at Prentice at 1:30AM and, after checking-in and getting settled in the L&D room, my IV and Pitocin was started about 3:30AM. After the contractions became unbearable, I asked the nurse to have the anesthesiologist issue my epidural at about 5:30AM. About an hour into the epidural I started to think that it wasn’t working because I was having some major pains, but unbeknownst to me it was because Marty was trying to arrive on his own. My doctor barely arrived in time to deliver the baby! I labored from start to finish about 3 hours and barely pushed three times before he shot out of me! Because his arrival was so quick he developed a grunting, which sounded like a soft wheezing sound, due to the amniotic fluid still in his lungs. While we thought this sweet sound was cute for about the first hour, when it lasted more than 10 hours post-birth, the pediatric team said it was actually caused from fluid in his lungs which usually would have passed within an hour or two post-birth.
Since Marty was still making this grunting sound, the pediatric team admitted him to the NICU for observation until he was discharged from the hospital 48 hours later. While his oxygen and blood levels were completely normal, the NICU started him on two antibiotics via an IV to prevent any infection he might be fighting off, which was another possible cause of the grunting sound. After his lab work came back all clear, he was finally released from Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago.
We had a few more bumps in the road medically during Marty’s first weeks (i.e. tongue tie which sent us on an ENT visit to Lurie, an abnormal newborn screen blood test which required four days of isolation at home until the test results came back normal–which they did–and the return of the grunting sound which is the result of his esophagus muscles still developing which is also normal). All of these little bumps in the road had me praying a lot to God and all my angels to make sure our little “Miracle Marty” was safe and healthy, and I have also returned to regular mass attendance (which is a post for another day).
While each year I am so blessed and thankful for my family and friends, who are the best support system I could have ever imagined, this year I am truly thankful for the medical caregivers in my life. I am so thankful my OB/GYN, my hematologist and our pediatric offices are all connected on the Northwestern system and talk to each other on a pretty regular basis. I never have to explain my medical history because everyone seems to already know my “case” and is informed on all my medical issues. Over the past month I have received many calls and follow-up calls directly from my doctors checking in on how I’m doing and how Marty is doing. It has been overwhelming, and delightfully comforting, to be known as a patient in a large medical practice, not just a number. Thank you so much to all the caregivers in my life, but especially the unnamed staff and faculty of Northwestern Lurie and Prentice hospitals who continue to give the best care to my little family. You have made this family so very blessed!
Happy Thanksgiving to All – Love: Colleen, John, Jimmy & Marty Reaney
*This post is part of a monthly series called CEO Mommy which will be guest written by a few amazing ladies in my personal and professional network. This month’s post is by Lorrel Marin who is the founded LEEP Forward, a Pediatric Developmental Clinic for kids with special needs. I met Lorell professionally a few months ago as a scholar in the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Business Program in Chicago.
As the saying goes, it is important to stop and smell the roses. As a business owner and mom of two little girls it can be difficult to put the brakes on. If you include working on your second master’s degree it can be hard to find time to stop for anything. However, it is important to find the time to acknowledge your accomplishments and see how they can help keep propelling you forward. Without the pause you will stay on automatic pilot and may miss opportunities for true business and personal growth.
As a recent graduate from the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Business program I wasted no time and moved right into the ICCC program. Both programs have opened doors for me as a business owner in terms of networking and making new connections that open more doors to other opportunities. My business has recently been acknowledged as one of the top 100 fasted growing inner city companies in the country. It was an honor to learn we were #10 on that list acknowledged by ICCC and Fortune Magazine. One of the best lessons I have learned from other thought leaders and successful business people is it is ok to focus on your bank account but it is more important to focus on the impact you have on your community and create a place that allows your employees to continue to grow as well. How to leverage this award and other public recognition is the next step in business development. My company would not be where it is without the support of a wonderfully talented and dedicated team. It seems the best way to leverage the award and recognition the company receives is to make sure the team is inspired by the difference they are making in order to continue to help the company grow. A mission of the company is to ensure as the business grows each employee can benefit and also continue to grow. Leveraging the recent recognition also helps our company stay at the forefront as thought leaders.
One way we have been able to do this is to create the National Pediatric Developmental Differences Forum. The NPDDF is a thought leadership initiative for the advancement of relationship -based therapies. It is important to channel this positive recognition into something that will also benefit the community, professionals and families we work with. The NPDDF allows us a platform to provide this. The recent business growth is because of the team. We would not be here without them. They make me a better person, business owner and mom.
Lorell received her Masters of Science in Teaching from Pace University, Manhattan, N.Y., her Bachelor of Science degree in Social Work from Richard Stockton State College, N.J. She has also been credentialed as a Developmental Therapist in Illinois. Lorell is currently enrolled in her second master’s program to earn her LCSW in addition to working towards her graduate certificate in Applied Behavior Science. Lorell is the co-founder of the National Developmental Differences Forum (NDPPF). This forum is a thought leadership initiative for the advancement of relationship-based therapies. She founded LEEP Forward, a Pediatric Developmental Clinic for kids with special needs 15 years ago. She recently was acknowledged by Fortune magazine and ICIC as 2016 top 10 company for inner city business development and five year growth.
Editor Notes: I recently saw on Facebook a post from a long-time colleague and friend of mine that she recently did a job search while expecting her first child. I thought this would be a neat topic to share with my readers and Kara graciously agreed. She wrote about her professional development journey below and here is her story.
While I was six months pregnant, my husband was relocated for his job which meant I had to start looking for a new job upon arriving in our new city. Did I start looking while I was still in my current city; well yes, and I did have an interview; two actually with the same university, but neither was the right fit.
I had a phone interview prior to leaving my current city for a job in higher education and 10 days after arriving I had an in person interview with two people. I was confident going into the meeting but was later told they were looking for someone with more experience. It was a bummer to hear, however, I kept my chin high and continued to look for the right fit.
Also prior to leaving my current city, I had a phone interview with a non-profit was told they were waiting to hire until the third quarter and they would follow up with me in a few months. Upon arriving to our new city; I reached out to the non-profit and expressed my interest in the position. I was told they would like to bring me in, in the next few weeks. A couple weeks went by so I followed up with a phone call with the HR rep and left a message. I also received an email from the HR rep thanking me for applying for the position, indicating that they had restarted their recruiting efforts and was writing to see if I was still interested in pursuing this opportunity and thanking me for my interest and flexibility. With that I had called; expressed my interest and never heard back until a month later, via email, stating in light of our current organizational requirements; they reopened the search to find a candidate best suited to their needs and wished me the best in my search and transition to a new city. Not too much of a bummer at this point since I had been interviewing…
Upon arriving to our new city; I had first round phone interviews with six different employers, five follow up phone interviews, three in person interviews, two follow up in person interviews and two offers of employment. Both offers were great opportunities and I chose the opportunity that best fit me personally, professionally and for the first time, what was best for me and my family. It was also evident that upon showing up to my first interview where I ultimately accepted the position; being greeted and spoken to while I waited was not only genuine but how everyone took pride in providing the best experience to those who walked through the doors and I wanted to be somewhere where I was part of helping to create the best possible experience for everyone involved.
Kara Fiala (Smith) recently accepted the Director of Stewardship and Advancement Services at Episcopal High School in Alexandria, VA. Prior to joining Episcopal, Kara spent time with the YMCA of San Diego County, the University of San Diego Department of Athletics, DePaul University and the Chicago Bears Football Club. Hobbies- Kara finished the Ironman Lake Tahoe in 2013, Boston Marathon in 2012, finished Ironman Arizona in 2011 and competed D-I gymnastics back in the day.