*This is a post regarding our personal journey and desire to have a second child. The purpose of the post is to educate and inform our family and friends of our journey. Note that the first par of this post was written in November of 2015.
From the minute a couple becomes engaged the question most people ask is, “So when do you think you guys will start TRYING to have kids?” Trying – since when did that become something people talked about? Even now, I’m very cautious when talking about trying with other couples as you never know what people are going through….like my husband and me.
About two years ago, after trying for several months to conceive, my husband and I had a miscarriage, which broke our hearts terribly. At that time it was hard for us to process what we were going through. Our doctors, however, said that we should take this event as a positive one and look at the bright side that we were able to conceive and that we should just keep trying now because I would be the most fertile after a miscarriage…and we were! I became pregnant with our son the very next month.
My pregnancy was not an easy one, not by a long shot. Because I have an undiagnosed blood clot disorder, (undiagnosed being that I’ve had two severe blood clots in my legs, DVTs, but no one really knows how or why I got them), I was put on blood thinners even before we started trying. So between the first trimester spotting episodes, the 27 weeks of constant vomiting (and peeing my pants), and rounding out my pregnancy with 24/7 heart burn and uterine contractions, I finally delivered a little boy at 40 weeks and 3 days. My labor was about 24 hours long but the delivery was less than 10 minutes (I’ll spare you the rest of the crazy labor/delivery details).
About 5 days post-delivery I passed a baseball-sized blood clot, which scared the crap out of me! I was taken back into the doctor’s office for an emergency ultrasound to make sure nothing was left over from the delivery. While only a few smaller clots remained in my uterus, the OB/GYN and ultrasound techs were 99% sure that everything was removed. That was until I didn’t stop bleeding! About every two weeks from Sept – January I was getting my period with a much heavier flow than a regular cycle. Could something be wrong? Was my once “like clockwork” period now totally out of wack? My doctor ran some tests which showed that I had precancerous cells on my cervix. They needed to be removed and could have been causing the abnormal bleeding. Once the cells were removed, I was told, my normal 28-day cycle would return, but that didn’t work. So, after many consultations, the only remaining option was to have a D&C to reset my system. Come February, my very predictable 28 days cycle had finally returned.
That was until my husband and I started trying for our second child. We thought we would love for the kids to be two years apart in school and age, so we started trying. What was different this time around is that I’m not on blood thinners anymore. Currently with my doctor’s support I am in a trial period of being off of blood thinners, as long as I don’t have another clot. With all my doctors giving us the green light to start trying for another baby, and being in good health, I thought this would be an easy process, but in fact it has not been. Since starting the process to try for another baby, my cycles have been off having a period about every two-three weeks. This week I decided my next steps are to see my OB/GYN soon to see her thoughts and to check to make sure everything is a-okay.
At the OB/GYN, she did an exam and ran a few tests, believing my results would take a few days to get back. The next night, however, my doctor contacted me at home to tell me that my results came back unfavorable. My AMH levels, which measure fertility in relation to the quantity/quality of egg reserves, was a very low 0.49 (average should be about 4.0). My doctor explained that, with a low AMH level, the chances of conceiving naturally would prove difficult. She recommended that we seek the assistance of a fertility specialist, which we have just started to do. While the glass-half-full person in me wants to say, “so you’re telling me there a chance,” realistically, I’m aware it’s a slim one.
While this news was actually shocking and quite disappointing, my husband and I came to the realization that there is nothing we can do about it. You cannot control nature nor should we ponder the how or why my egg reserve is low. I’d like to still think that 37 is young, but clearly not ideal for my baby-making. After a good cry, we realized that our road to each other wasn’t easy nor was our path to parenthood, but it’s going to be okay.
But what is the most challenging part of the process is when people ask me, “So are you guys going to have any more kids?” My standard answer has always been “yes, God willing we would love to have more” but reality is starting to set in that maybe our son really is all we are going to have and we might have to be okay with only one child. Yes, my husband and I tell ourselves all the time, “if our son is the only child we ever have then we are really blessed with the best kid in the world!”
What truly breaks my heart is seeing my son wanting so desperately to play with other kids when he’s by himself. He learning how to give hugs, kisses, how to play with others and to share. With his easy-going personality he would be an excellent big brother. I picture him in my perfect world always going with the flow of a new baby in the house, and with his crazy sleep-deprived parents.
***UPDATE as of 4/20/2016***
At the advice of our doctors we starting seeing a fertility doctor to start the process of having our best odds of becoming parents again. Everyone’s journey is a little different from this point on and with the help of some very talented doctors, it was decided that we would be best suited to try Clomid to maximize our changes of having another baby. After two months of testing and re-testing, we were given the okay to start Clomid in February. However, by the grace of God, we didn’t need to start the medication as we conceived a child in January all on our own!
Today, I’m happy to say that I’m in the beginning of my second trimester and Baby Reaney (who we refer to as Baby T-Rex) is progressing nicely. Just as I experienced with my first child, I’m extremely sick so I’m taking the anti-nausea medication Diclegis to try to limit the amount I am vomiting daily. Also, to combat any troublesome blood clots that may arise due to the biological complexities of pregnancy, I’m taking a small dosage of Lovenox daily. I’m also hoping the excessive fatigue wears off soon so I can stay awake past 8:30PM – the DVR is getting pretty full! 🙂
My husband and I are thrilled to be welcoming another little baby to our clan and we cannot wait to see Jimmy in action as the best big brother ever. He is already practicing how to be quiet when the baby is sleeping and he gives kisses to my belly often. This is what it is all about for me. I knew my body would take a toll carrying another baby, but to give my son a sibling is all I have ever wanted.